Sometimes I wonder why humans can't just let doggies be themselves. So many doggies with cropped ears and docked tails and other cosmetic surgeries that long ago crossed the line from utilitarian into fashion.
But what really irks yours truly is when feckless humans bring home doggies and then are surprised, dismayed, dare I say, repulsed when their furry friends shed, track mud indoors, and, yes, even SLOBBER!
My friends, Sherman and Leroy, recently alerted me to an abomination that is euphemistically called the "Slobber Stopper." As difficult as it is to believe, there are simpletons out there who bring home gigantic flapping flewed monster dogs and then despair when generous portions of slobber are part of the package.
What is a "Slobber Stopper?" I am posting the photo below in small size as just seeing it causes me to shudder because it is nothing more than a muzzle. Oh, turn away.
This is seriously misguided and abusive towards our big slobbery pals. Sherman and Leroy posted an eloquent chastisement of the product that you can read here.
Which brings me to the topic of the day, that being that Sherman and Leroy have declared today "National Slobber Appreciation Day."
To help me celebrate, I am bringing out some archival photos of my brother, Mango the Relentlessly Huge, who was big, simple, sometimes fun, sometimes a bully, and, yes, always forever a champion of slobber.
I am particularly fond of this picture as it reminds me not just of the artfully viscous stringers that he constantly sported, but also of his annoying habit of presenting his lipstick in most images. But, as he always said, "It's all Mango.... it's all good."
And who could forget the full out facial highlighting of fun time slobbering?
Admittedly, yours truly could often be found sporting some Mango overflow. I was never terribly bothered. That's the thing of it. Dogs don't think slobber is nasty. So why should their humans?
Even Mango sometimes managed to use slobber as art on his absurdly large head.
Don't think for a minute that your narrator is not capable of some discrete slingers himself. You might need to bigify, but I've got a darn good labradroolcicle going here.
Sure, I'm not really able to match the foamy, adhesive goo of a mastiff, but I can get some impressive drips going on occasion.
In conclusion, dogs are to be celebrated in their full dogginess, slobber and all.
P.S. Do you want to sign a petition to put a stop to the Slobber Stopper forever? Just click this link.